Fetish and Fantasy: A kinky list from A-Z

As you delve into the world of BDSM you'll find lots of things you're into and lots of things you aren't. Just because someone you've met through online dating likes sucking toes doesn't mean you have to let them suck yours if it makes you uncomfortable.

We've put together this cheeky list of fetishes and fantasies to tickle your BDSM tassels and pull back the curtain on some of the most popular kinks, plus a few you may never have heard of. Read it with your partner, read it alone, or read it as a to-do list. You might just find something here that's worth (s)exploring...

A to H

Agoraphilia. Enjoying sex in a public place, where the fear of getting caught is the real turn-on. Keep it well away from anyone who hasn't agreed to be part of it, as public indecency is a crime in most countries.

Bukkake. A group scenario in which several people climax over one willing participant's face and body.

Consensual non-consent (CNC). Role play built around the fantasy of being taken against your will. Both partners must agree the boundaries in detail beforehand, and CNC should never be spontaneous.

Douching. Rinsing out the body with water or other liquids, for cleanliness, sensation or both.

Exhibitionism. The thrill of performing sexually in front of others, with their consent.

Figging. Peeling and shaping a piece of root ginger, then inserting it into the anus or vagina. The burning sensation heightens arousal.

Forniphilia. Also known as human furniture: the enjoyment of being used as a footstool, chair or table.

Gags. Bondage gear worn over or in the mouth to prevent speech, usually a ball gag. Often used for humiliation in dom/sub dynamics.

Hand fetish. An attraction to hands. It might focus on one detail, such as fingernails, or on hands performing everyday actions such as washing.

I to Q

Incarceration play. The thrill of being locked in a cage, a cell or even a wardrobe. Perhaps your inner vampire comes alive when someone opens your coffin...

Japanese rope bondage. Also called shibari or kinbaku: intricate, decorative rope work where the patterns matter as much as the restraint.

Kitten play. Animal role play in which a consenting adult takes on the role of a kitten, often with ears, a tail and a collar to complete the fantasy.

Latex and leather. One of the most common fetishes in BDSM dating: being turned on by the feel, sight or wearing of latex, leather, rubber or PVC. Anything tight, shiny and slippery when wet.

Medical play. Role play between a nurse or doctor and a patient. At the extreme end it involves real equipment such as catheters and speculums, so it calls for knowledge and care.

Nuru massage. A Japanese style of massage in which both partners are naked and the masseuse glides their body over the other's with a slippery massage gel.

Orgasm denial. Holding back a partner's orgasm for mutual gratification, through a dom or dominatrix's commands or with a physical aid such as a chastity device.

Psychrophilia. A fetish for cold: being cold, a cold partner, or cold objects such as ice cubes and chilled toys during sex.

Queening. A dominant partner sitting on their submissive's face, often for oral pleasure and sometimes simply as a statement of who is in charge. A femdom favourite.

R to Z

Rough play. Biting, scratching, hair pulling and physical power play between dom and sub.

Scat play. An extreme fetish involving faeces. Firmly a niche interest, and one with real health risks.

Torture play. Usually involves bondage equipment and can range from intense genital torment to tickle torture.

Uniforms. Fantasies built around uniforms, worn by the fetishist or by their partner.

Voyeurism. A kink for watching other people have sex, with their knowledge and consent.

Wax play. Dripping warm candle wax onto someone's body for mutual arousal. Use candles made for the purpose, as ordinary ones burn far too hot.

Xenophilia. An intense attraction to people from other cultures, or to strangers.

Yiffing. Sex between furries, people with an interest in anthropomorphised animal characters.

Zentai. A fetish for wearing full-body lycra suits that cover everything, face included.

Found your fetish?

As you can see from the list, fetishes and fantasies are incredibly wide-ranging. The easiest way to find someone into the same things as you is through fetish dating, where people say what they're into before the first message is sent. New to all this? Our beginner's guide to BDSM explains the basics, and if orgasm denial or queening caught your eye, you may be exactly who our dominatrix dating community was built for. You don't need to be a scientist to experiment. All you need is kink, consent and someone who shares your favourite letter.