The secrets to creating a perfect BDSM dating profile

Written by: Jenny Woodward

There are many ways to connect with people in the BDSM scene, but by far the easiest and most accessible is via online dating sites such as subs-and-doms.com. They’re a great way to fasttrack a few initial relationship hurdles that may crop up in real life such as telling someone you’re into BDSM in the first place. But with millions of users all over the world seeking partners online too, how do you make sure you stand out from the kinkster pack?

To ensure you get the attention you want (and avoid the attention you don’t!) check out these top five musts when creating your BDSM profile.

1. Select an honest profile picture

You might think it looks cool to use a sexy artistic shot of some Kinbaku but if it’s not you in the picture then what’s the point?

Show you're genuine

People already know you’re into BDSM if you’re on a BDSM dating site so you don’t need to prove anything by using an ultra fetishy shot. Hiding behind a fake profile picture may suggest you’re up to something sinister or are dishonest by nature.

Be yourself

Use a good headshot so people can clearly see your face and if possible a (clothed) full body shot. This tells people you’re serious and confident in yourself.

You can still be anonymous

If you’re uncomfortable showing your face for fear of being recognised or ‘outed’ people will understand, so get creative. You can be discreetly anonymous such as using a hat or hand to cover your eyes.

2. Use-a-good-name

Despite what you may think, usernames or handles are important, think of them as your signature. A lot of judgement surrounds a name - particularly as you’ve chosen it yourself.

Keep it clean

An overtly kinky or sexual name might encourage some steamy exchanges but that’s about it. Relationship or booty call - you decide.

Be original

If you include body parts or specific fetishes that’s all people will think you’re interested in. Avoid using numbers too unless you want to be assumed highly unoriginal and of low intelligence. Slave4u and Footfucker8 would almost definitely be scrolled past by any serious suitors.

3. Include the right information

Be sure to include the necessary information in your online dating profile. It might seem basic but could make all the difference to a potential partner deciding if you match.

The must-haves

Include useful particulars first such as age, sexual orientation, gender, and a description of your physical features such as height and build. Location is also important if you’re hoping to meet-up eventually.

What it should say

Ultimately the aim is to say who you are, what you’re looking for and what you offer. Anyone genuinely trying to find their perfect BDSM partner will be reading the online dating profiles before making contact to size up compatibility.

Be positive

Think about all your good points (ask friends and family if you need inspiration) and be positive! Try to make it unique by including interesting information about your vanilla hobbies/life. Include what you would bring to the relationship and how you can make someone happy.

Be specific

Know what it is you want and state what you’re looking for but avoid long lists. Don’t be afraid to include dealbreakers too if you have any. No point wasting anyone’s time if they really want to pee on you and you’re not down with golden showers.

Honesty is the best policy

Be honest about your experience and relationship status - honesty will earn you respect and protect your reputation within the BDSM community.

4. Be precise and concise

Clarity will help you attract the best matches and avoid time wasters.

Short and sweet

Keep your online dating profile and kink requirements brief and to the point, you have time to go into detail once you get chatting. If someone sees a huge paragraph of text they probably won’t bother to read it all. Include all the necessary information above but keep it fun and snappy.

Be yourself

Don’t try to be clever, just write how you would naturally talk otherwise they might be let down when you start chatting and the conversation doesn’t seem to match up to the profile they read.

Check your spelling and grammar

Online dating are relationships founded on the written word, so you want to make it look like you have a brain. Don’t forget to check for any mistakes before you post, have someone read over it if you trust them.

Keep it fresh

Don’t just make your online dating profile and forget all about it. It’s good to revisit often (especially if you’re not attracting any matches) and ensure the information and most importantly the pictures are up-to-date.

5. Knowing what not to share

You want to get personal but there’s certain things that don’t need to be divulged (ever), or especially at the start.

Private parts

Stay safe and never include personal information such as where you work, live, email addresses, phone numbers etc. Check that photos you post don’t include the outside of your house, car reg plate, work uniform etc. Identity theft is not a fun role play experience.

Negative experiences

Don’t unload your baggage either, no one wants to hear about your troubles, that you were bullied in school, that your partner cheated on you (boo f#cking hoo.)

Scores of selfies

Don’t include too many photos, there’s a fine line between confidence and narcissism. Do you want a partner or a mirror?

Plagiarism

Forget song lyrics, poems, quotes etc. This scream that you are too lazy to find your own words. Lazy in profile, lazy in life…

FWIW

Don’t use text speak unless you want people to think you’re a 13 year old boy typing one-handed.

Nudity

Would you walk up to a blind date in real life and slap your cock out on the table? Didn’t think so. Dick pics or any genital shots, unless specifically requested, are a no-no unless you really wanna be Creepysaurus.

Just because online dating is easy and accessible doesn’t mean you don’t need to put any effort in. You get out what you put in. Spending a little time and consideration getting your dating profile right at the outset could make all the difference in finding your perfect kink companion.

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